No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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