cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
