She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
