Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
