I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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