Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
