well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize