I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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