well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
