You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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