i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
