she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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