A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
