Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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