her vagine was all disorganized.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
