ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
