I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
