How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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