you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
foreskin is a definite game changer
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
