So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
