Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
