Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
