i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
