Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize