Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
