Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
