It was confusing and full of hummus
nutella sex= disaster
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
