my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
