Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
