u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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