K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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