highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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