yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
