I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
