So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
