If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
PANTIES FOUND
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