my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're a waste of cheezeits
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
