thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
