i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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