I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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