We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
