Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
