I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
