it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
