So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
