he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
