Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
