history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
