I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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