cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
