if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I cockslap morals
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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