so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
