The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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