it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize