Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize