yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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