I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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