Do you still have your period?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
