Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
