I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
