i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
