I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
