Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
