Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
